Wandering thoughts...

This is from my rambling writings in March sometime. They're not done, and not edited, but I thought I should post it as a look into my brain... enjoy!

"Have you ever had one of those nights where you wonder what you life would be at different points if you had made different decisions? That's tonight for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my life. I feel like I'm going in the right direction, with some slight academic delays :) Everything isn't exactly as I would have chosen it, but I guess that's why I'm not God. I just sometimes look back on my life so far and see huge life-changing decisions that, at the time, didn't seem so earthshattering. Looking back on them, though, they truly changed the course of my life. Some of the decisions that did seem like a huge deal turned out to be no big thing (but some were a big deal - go figure). Now for the examples:

Late April of 2005 I was a senior in high school and I was trying to decide where to go to college. I'll let you in on my decision making process. I had been admitted to ECU, UNC-CH, NCSU, Campbell, and Wake Forest. I applied to Campbell and NCSU mainly for the scholarship opportunities, and when I didn't get what I wanted financially they pretty much fell out of the picture. I LOVED Wake Forest. I visited a couple of times and the campus was gorgeous. I could see myself there, and I love the philosophies of education that they put forth (study abroad, small classes, etc.). But even at this point in my life I was pointing myself towards medical school, which brings up two problems: GPA and cost. Going to a more difficult school doesn't necessarily show up as such on your application, but a low GPA does. I think we could have managed the price tag with some debt (at the time the numbers we were being given were aroun $42,000 a year). But having a lot of debt at the end of undergrad and needing another 4 year of education didn't seem appealing to me. So that left UNC-CH and ECU. The swing was two things: the MDin7 program, and Beth. So I admit it... the girlfriend might have somewhat swayed my decision. Is that a bad thing? I hope not. I firmly believe that God used some of these events to put me where he wanted me. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to go to UNC. Would Beth and I have survived? Would I have gotten into medical school at the end of my four years? At all? Would I have had the same opportunities for study abroad or research? It's an endless thinking exercise.

That's what I mean - not that I wish I had gone to UNC, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like..."